Testing of Faith

In college it was not a question of having time. It was more about asking the right questions because one really knows so little. At the time I really read to learn and grow. These days it's taking notice of things that had been there. It's forming clouds of related thoughts.
On Easter morning, I did not do an Easter related Bible reading for my personal time. I read from Genesis and Judges. From Genesis, the account of Jacob's first vision in the desert (Luz) when he was seeking the native home of his mother. His faith was conditional: if you will be with me, you will be my Lord. From Judges, a short summary of the first four judges in the history of Israel. Their call was for leadership in conquest and customary obedience to God's ways. The faith of Israelites who had not been tested in battle is the subject for the coming period: obedience to the instruction of God comes with deliverance and victory.
To me, it seems shallower than what faith has come to mean: to hope in something you cannot grasp. Both examples of faith seem like a transaction of good will. Christians today still hold God to a standard of trust too. However, faith today is sure because of good will: that indeed our sins are forgiven on the basis of Christ's obedience and triumph on the cross.
I must admit that even though I should want for nothing, I feel I still bargain my obedience for rewards. Perhaps it's the fact that eternal life doesn't seem here and now. Daily living just seems so important because it's today.
Test my faith, Lord, but not for the worth I feel it would bring. Your will alone be done.

Weekend Wrap-up

I had just come from facilitating for a small group of students. Two weeks with students is a short span of time to really develop a comprehensive opinion, but that's the reason why it is called an exposure. My own basic toolkit for facilitation is a listening ear, a ready smile and an eye for reading faces. I have been part of a few projects with different people from foreign countries. And at the start the language is the most obvious mountain to summit.
The truth is, it's not such a tall mountain. Aside from the help of excellent interpreters, I have learned that one of the most important things with a group endeavor is setting up ground rules for the whole team. It will be hard enough to be in a strange situation, but it will be easier to go through any experience with a winning team attitude.
By the end of the two-week exposure, I got my rest, and am currently working on staving off a bacterial infection. I cannot let it just pass right now because I have a long day trip coming. Plus, it's never convenient to get sick.
I did enjoy this past experience, though. It is always a special memory to see a group form a system of support and open pockets of dialogue to share thoughts. Compliance to the schedule draws surface observations, but group reflection, pieces together personal opinion, feelings and knowledge. What students do afterwards shows how much they interact with their group and personal times. At the very end of the exposure, the students were given homework to do some art. The output was amazing to me. Each one was a record of what they valued the most from their personal experiences. This is what I will treasure.
The students are all back in their homes now. I do not think of the exposure as a pivoting experience for them. In many ways, the students will have bigger and more harrowing experiences in their lives. I prefer to believe that the exposure will be part of what they will consider in the future as part of their framework. This is where I hope I have been responsible in the time I had been allowed to think with all of them. To my group, I hope for the best.
Growing takes time, but like the sugarcane, the sweetness comes after much rain, much heat and much work.

Downplaying Expectations

I do tend to overwork based on expectations in some instances. I am now on a second run as a program assistant with my college for an international exposure program. I enjoyed the first run. This time I am on edge over the fact that I am not yet ready to jump in at just barely two weeks to go. I have done bare minimum work, but I am expected to get into the details soon. In the meantime I cannot yet say what it is that preoccupies me. Big projects all around. That's all I can say for now.

Testing

First of the year.