Distress and Habit

 We are now more than 200 days on quarantine, and the markers do not seem better for my country. Whereas the world is slowly taking precaution to keep their numbers down, the Philippines still has extremely high numbers on record.

I have been home for the most part, as my routine has allowed me to do so. The semester in law school promotes a sort of obnoxiousness. Our kind worry about internet, reading, and getting enough rest for another day's work. The busyness of school takes precedence over many previous thoughts and activities. For instance, I will miss playing with the toddler in our house, because now, my schedule has been filled up, facing the computer for most of the day.

Some habits that have been helpful to me so that I could keep going include having a series on the background so that I could keep brief intervals between activities. I keep the curtains open to help me get up in the morning and to help me keep my sense of time (and sometimes the weather). I would love to get some more reading done (non-school reading, that is). I have deactivated notifications on most of my applications and check only when I can.

The distress these past months have definitely put me in cycles of sadness, and I have learned to pick out content that I consume more and more. For the first few months of the quarantine, I have refrained from interacting with more people than I am actually used to speaking with. There are still plenty of people to speak with, I find; however, I have had more meaningful, brief talks.

This is life now. I wonder how much longer the country will be this way. The injustice is palpable. I wonder what I can do in my mere sphere.

Three Days, Three Room Arrangements

I am notorious for re-arranging items in my room now and again. These past week has been about enlistment for classes and doing my work online. While waiting, I have been cleaning and arranging things in my room. Aside from being a function of having limited space, and there being lots of books in boxes, I clean out and re-arrange as often as I can so that I can work off tension.

This is the age of working and studying from home. There needs to be space enough for rest and work. There needs to be enough flexibility but also distinction between different activities. There needs to be enough indoor and outdoor.

I have this inner unrest, and my self-confidence is still low. School days are really upon us.

Now then, time to breathe.

170 Days on Community Quarantine

It has been over a year since my last post. Let me remind myself again that this blog is for taking things a day at a time. Today, I had to attend to some matters for school and work (which has been my routine for the past few years). I have perhaps had to adjust better to house work as well. 

In the past year, I had to move to a new place, and just in time before the major complication for absolutely everyone in the word.

It is the year 2020. Calamities abound. At the beginning of the year, a new Corona Virus was found: COVID-19. There was a volcanic eruption. Cases of the virus began to rise all over the world. Economic turmoil has affected many nations. Extra-judicial killings in the Philippines continue. The Anti-Terror Law is passed.

This has weighed down my heart for the past year. These past months have stretched out my human capacity for physical strength and emotional resolve.

The height of my anxiety over the present circumstances that I have been processing is alike to when I prepare for exams at school. The constant stress, therefore, I believe eats up all the attention and strength that I could muster.

The deep moments of joy come from above and beyond me. Every week, despite the shifting circumstances, the church has been holding worship services. It is a natural break for me, and whatever productivity or unproductivity I may have incurred for the past week is set aside for rest. It is a gift. While it is also my job, it marks the rest during my week.

Things have changed, aside from the year turning. It has pointed to some fundamental, indispensable things. Things that are missed when they are away. I miss the afternoon walk for errands. I miss the ride to school with casual conversations with the driver and other passengers. I miss seeing faces. People having to be apart for long has taken its toll. Everything - school, work, home - continues, except for the community being virtual. It's not the same. During the quarantine, we celebrated a few birthdays. Being away from people I wanted to celebrate has made these celebrations a little bit melancholic. 

I don't thinkit will be over soon, at least not for my country. And so, because it is hard to think of good memories for the future, I have been keeping my a visual diary of mundane treasures from my daily activities. Perhaps when I look back after another year or so, the hodgepodge I will find will look understandably dull, but still hopefully fulfilling.